Friday, December 31, 2004
.: *in his best DJ Envy voice*
NEW SHIT!!!
Happy New Year Everyone

12/31/2004 10:19:23 PM

.: KUUMBA

Harris Teeter Sushi and Sasha the Tokyo BRATZ doll...

HAPPY NEW YEAR JAPAN! LET'S HAVE A GREAT 2005!

Oriana had a craving for Sushi and I was down. I ran up to get it and it reminded me of how Japan folks were always like "You eat Sushi? Most of the artists won't eat it." Two things funny about that though was that I didn't eat any Sushi while I was in Japan (go figure), and I ate everything else that was put in front of me except this curry & rice dish. "They were like you eat curry? You know it's spicy." I replied "You know I'm West Indian right?"
I told you a few months ago that Kana wasn't going to get any Bratz shit as long as I lived, then I saw the Tokyo Sushi Bar and Sasha doll and my sister asked if she could get it for her and I was like of course! Besides Magnificent, Japan was the best event this year.

I wonder what you will be doing to bring in the New Year...If you consider this the New Year for real. We started talking about it on the message board and I haven't chimed in yet, but I'm thinking about it. I plan on living life with a more positive outlook this year. I'm trying to get in the celebration mood. I'm in the drinking mood, but that's no different than any other day. I remember getting my drink on in Japan and cats was like "Beer at 3 in the afternoon?" I thought "What time am I supposed to be waiting on?" Ask Dibbs how I get down.

I'll try to bust a U.S. New Year's Wish too, but by that time I may not be able to type well or be as eloquent.

12/31/2004 10:14:06 AM

Thursday, December 30, 2004
.: NIA

If you are in the music business all you've been hearing this month is January 3rd this, January 3rd that. Me and Insight was laughing about that the other day. Honestly we'll see what happens. That is supposed to be a pretty important day for me in this game, but I'm sure it'll be more like "We'll know something by the 4th or 5th." If that happens, I can't front like I didn't expect it and try to act all disapointed and whatnot.
2005 must be a year where I reach my potential / fulfil my purpose before I do too much harm to body. It seems like it's inevitable because it's all that runs through my mind. I don't have the leeway to fail this year. I went through a phase where I tried to do everything literally to death. Party, work, whatever. I do understand that's not the way to go and I'm starting to recognize when I'm slippin'.

This site is going to change soon. I've gotten used to seeing the color scheme but when your webmaster says it's time for an update...then it's time for an update. Michael is my dog of dogs. He's been in my corner for over 5 years now and if I'm real with myself I should know I don't deserve to have him. People compliment me on my website ALL the time. This website has kept me going when I never thought I would ever get recognition. Here's a guy who works on sites for the biggest companies and music stars (i.e. Fortune 500 / Multi-Platnium) and I met him when he became an intern at Spongebath. I've known so many people who are younger than me that have gone on to blow sky high, but Michael has been the best to me. I can't say anything without sounding like I'm blowing sunshine up your ass. You know I don't have the dough to pay you what you deserve. I'm being as sincere as I possibly can when I just say thanks a lot. If it all stops tomorrow it's no sweat I appreciate everything you've done.

Have (or Hope you had) a good day at work.
I'm sure I'll be back before the day is over...

12/30/2004 07:47:48 AM

Wednesday, December 29, 2004
.: First let me say that it's a storage problem and not the activity so Art For Sale will be up for awhile longer. Thanks for contributing people. I really appreciate the help. And I really appreciate the fact you would use your hard drive space for the music I create. Free or not.

Magnificent is screaming right now. What 4 and a half month old cuts teeth so soon huh? He stops when I pat him on the back, but then I can't type. I bet these other guys ain't going through nothing like this right now. Anyway...

I was putting a song together for a new persona for Lil D where this time he is a rural guy with a country accent and said phrases like "What about it?" or "Good Eatin'" or "Drunker than Cootie Brown" and just like most of my words they were very risque`. I took a little flack from my nigga J Pride and he wanted to make sure I wasn't making fun of the way niggas talk down here so I was flipping it how white cats talk that I've met too. Let's just say my lyric book has been discovered and it's causing some problems for me. I've made some mistakes and I don't know if they can ever be corrected. I forget how much my art can hurt and how sensitive I have to be. But I just can't be that way man. I'm just expressing thoughts and ideas and being creative. I don't mean to hurt anyone. The hardest part about doing this shit is how it effects others. I just can't grasp what's really going on and how much everyone tries to interpret what I say and mean. The forces at work have me in a bind where I think of wild shit that I already filter 90% of and they other 10% that I think is okay still gets me in trouble sometimes. I wish everyone could experience my life for a minute so I could get some real answers from someone. I don't know of anyone who is in my field who's life is similar. Niggas got females and niggas got kids, but not like this. I've given the impression that life is going to be normal...and it has been for the most part, but as I dedicate more of my life to this and it has become our main source of income, it requires me to be a lot less gun shy and I can't filter the ideas enough because I need them all in order to fulfil all my commitments. My lyrical thoughts are mostly separate from my life. I chuckle when people try to interpret my lyrics because they are almost never correct, but whatever they get out of what I say I respect. I have to be responsible for what comes out and it sucks when I know someone is way off base or is reading way to much into whay I'm saying. I don't write like Brother J, Chuck D, Mos Def, Talib, Jeru, Dead Prez and them...sorry. They seem to have this perfect agenda that I don't have. All I do is express myself. I feel like I think _________ felt and I don't even sell millions of records. I'm sicking of eating crow. I'm sick of pie on my face. I'm sick of spitting in the wind. This is the last time I'm going to come off as disturbed on my journal. I'm going to make an attempt to give you bullshit updates like a real rap artist site should. This emo-rap shit is for the birds. I'm sick of speaking in absolutes too.

Don't mind me. Life is great...I'm just making all this up.

12/29/2004 06:20:06 PM

.: "Write songs on my lunch break, I'm one of you UJAMAA don't support these yahoos"

12/29/2004 01:43:11 PM

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
.: I hate to do it, but we have to take Art For Sale down. There have been so many downloads that it's starting to cost extra money. Yes, extra money. Money that YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT I DO NOT HAVE, and that you obviously don't have either because hardly anyone has hit up the spot I told you about. I'm not going to ask here again, so I just have to take them down. Thank you to everyone that has contributed dough. I know if I went to a site right now to get free mp3's I wouldn't be donating jack shit (read a few sentences earlier if you forgot why). Now I will say that Michael is mad busy and it may take him a few days to get it down, but I just sent him an e-mail and they should disapear soon. You guys must have been spreading the word because I didn't even e-mail the list about it.

I thought I was going to write F this F that F everyone F the industry and all this other self pitiful bullshit this morning after I found out the deal with my vehicle. I'm learning to take a minute to calm down before I post. I sometimes regret showing so much of my personality here. I'm just learning what I can and can not do regarding this popularity thing. I made mention of a conversation I had with DOOM yesterday and next thing I know EVERYONE knows. That's cool though. I didn't expect it to never get out, but I'm used to things I say here taking months to spread around. Now I know if I mention DOOM it takes seconds. So if I say DOOM/MONEY does that mean I'll get money in seconds? 'Cause I'd be saying that shit until my saliva turned to powder and I'd still be short. I hope these people go easy on me. I ain't got no street niggas after me, fret not. I don't deal with those type of cats no more. I love my family to much to expose them to people who are irrational. No honor amongst theives. Plus all these young crazy niggas is part of the crack baby generation and you never know how they might flip. But most of them niggas is cool though.

And I quote...
"Man, me and my patnas was listening to The Chronic last night and we was trippin'. I forgot how crazy Dre used to be. Them niggas was trippin' on that CD man. See you have to remember when The Chronic came out I was 8."

-Ronnie Dro (as told to Count Paper last night)

I forget sometimes...I thought to myself that's what I was trying to say in my post about that Uptown shit yesterday or whenever that was. I told Oriana he probably don't know who MC Lyte is. She was like naw, I was like... "Why not? Remember I had dropped out of college when The Chronic came out." I remember how people who were trying to pull interventions on me the semester before was smoking blunts like it was the coolest thing they had ever experienced. You can always tell a new jack too because that never had seen a joint, bong or anything, just blunts. Blunt this, blunt that. Now it's out of control...Sour Apple Phillies like they Now&Laters or something. I can't believe what Dre started. I thought he didn't smoke weed or cest? I thought Mase was gonna die high?

That's enough, I can tell F this F that is right around the corner.

12/28/2004 07:18:26 PM

Monday, December 27, 2004
.: Oriana is putting it out there more than I am. There's a first time for everything right?

www.writehanded.com

12/27/2004 07:35:25 PM

.: I'm going to take Oriana's advice and bask in this beautiful harmony that I've been able to have today. I miss it more than anyone can imagine. I don't know why I can't have it all the time and why I only get a small piece of it every few months but I cherish it. My day started pretty bad but tomorrow is supposed to be a great day because the weather is going to improve. Remember that song "Cherish". Kool & the Gang made some incredible songs, I like the cheesy joints too.

I was rolling in a 2005 White Cadillac for the last week and a half and it still was one of the worst weeks I've ever had in my life. You wait until I can tell you about it.

12/27/2004 06:33:32 PM

.: I'm about to do some ghetto home repairs, and send a few ideas out. I talked to Insight again today. We are connecting. I can tell he's waiting to see if I'm cool and not just acting like it. Hell, even DOOM is just starting to REALLY understand what kind of person I am. I don't think I'm that strange, but you wouldn't believe just how strange people treat me sometimes. Not like all geeking over me or anything, but people just act strange. Like I'm a black Buck65 or something. I remember sleeping on Dibbs' floor with Slug, Buck65, Signify, & Egon. I remember me treating Buck65 strange just like people treat me now. For real, do I act funny? If you've met me do you think I'm strange?

It's not really in my budget to go to the counselor anymore so I haven't been in two weeks. I think I was starting to get addicted to it. It's like the fastest hour per week I've ever spent in my life. Oh well, back to my own coping skills.

Do you all even know what songs I cover in the "Uptown Medley"? First of all I make the mistake of thinking everyone is as ghetto as I am and had a black sister/girlfriend who listened to R&B all the time. Most of you all probably didn't start listening to this type of this 'til Blackstar (or however you spell it). No wonder people think that New Edition tribute on BEGBORROWSTEEL is so strange. But I really liked them a lot. They made cats like me feel it was possible to do this for a living. I'm not sure I'm convinced yet though. As I start to get so much feedback it gives me a different perspective on my own music. I didn't have to worry about what other people thought because not to many people heard what I did. Now that more people hear it, it's getting harder not to care. I think you have to like Teddy Riley and the first Jodeci record to get it. If you don't, "downloaders can't be choosers"

I waste so many good lines in this damn journal

I wish I could tell you all what's really going on right now. It would help me so much, but I just can't. I think it could be a little too personal and could cause some attention that we don't need right now. As a result I'm just boiling inside because I started talking to my mother about things the other night and I just cut it off. I'm close to my family, but our relationship hasn't had a chance to get deep yet. When I left home for high school it really split us all apart and they think they are all related to the oldest 13 year old in the world. I love 'em to death and I hope they love me once they really get to know me.

How come every time we try to move away from Nashville, everything gets weird?

12/27/2004 02:01:33 PM

.: The Face of a Desperate Man.

"You can't kill me I was born dead."
-Big L

12/27/2004 01:27:12 PM

Sunday, December 26, 2004
.: We are not going to do the reality show. I know we need the dough really bad, but I just can't do it. They want us to get rid of Magnificent and Kush for the week because they are too young and I'm not cool with frontin' like we have 2 kids instead of 4. Plus these things all come down to editing. I don't know how they are going to frame us and the way we live. They said they were looking for a family centered around rap and we hate rap for the most part. Our life is centered around Hip-Hop and that is too weird of a concept for prime time to grasp these days. Lastly I'm not with this twist shit they say when it comes to the dough. I don't want any paper of mine to get twisted. That part I already have to deal with in this business and I don't want to be played.

No, we are not doing it. I'm embarrassed for even thinking about it.

I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on the future...real hard y'all.

12/26/2004 03:58:54 PM

.: If you haven't been in a minute, go to the listening station...

IT IS VERY COLD HERE.

HAPPY BOXING DAY!

12/26/2004 08:16:38 AM

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